I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
