just come out here and I will go home with you...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
