doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
