i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
