i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
