i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Randomize
