we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
