Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
