so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
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