I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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