some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
