By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
