If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
