absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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