You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
