There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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