My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
