did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
