is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Randomize
