I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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