Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
