So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
