i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
