I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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