I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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