i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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