I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
