Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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