Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
