Where is the hickey?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
