Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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