So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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