Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
