A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
