What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
