Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I wish I could teleport
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
