last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
