Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
