oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I checked into jail on foursquare
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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