Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
