You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
