I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
