I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
