hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Randomize
