You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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