I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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