i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
