I accidentally had phone sex last night
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I have tasted many bathrooms
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
