I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
