He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
