PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
