There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
