More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
