You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
