if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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