Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
