Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
