Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
