How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i drank out of a bidet.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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